


Shattered Memories

by KarolineRayne



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Collars, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Play, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light BDSM, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, Romance, Romantic Angst, Sex, Smut, Some Fluff, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, so many feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 21:35:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21841381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarolineRayne/pseuds/KarolineRayne
Summary: In which, Asra must face his fears and confront the feelings he tried so hard to repress.  What is he willing to risk to get back the piece of his heart that he so willingly bartered away?  Can he really lose something he fought so hard for and refused to let go of?  Time is running out before she marries another and is out of his reach forever.Post-Canon.  Predominantly Julian’s route but some of the facts/history revealed in Asra’s that we didn’t get from Julian’s.  Featuring my MC.CHAPTER 7 added: 9/28
Relationships: Apprentice/Asra (The Arcana), Apprentice/Asra/Julian Devorak, Apprentice/Julian Devorak, Asra (The Arcana)/Original Female Character(s), Asra/Julian Devorak, Asra/Julian Devorak/Original Female Character(s), Julian Devorak/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 29
Kudos: 131





	1. Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> I refuse to accept the fact that Asra would just give the apprentice up after everything they went through and everything he did to get them back. Or him initially being totally cool with them getting together with Julian (Don’t get me wrong, I love the man, but Asra’s ex?). So this is my exploration of Asra trying to cope and what any of it could possibly come to and all the hurt, emotions that go along with it. 
> 
> Featuring my Apprentice - Celeste.

Living in the palace was... strange. There really wasn’t another word to describe it. There was a semblance of peace, of normalcy that he hadn’t realized was missing in his life. 

He had his own room and his own bed, a space that was his and his alone. He had never had that until now. There was always something or someone else. And the solitude, he thought he would have enjoyed felt like a prison. 

Pushing the door open, he entered after a long day. He unraveled the scarf from around his shoulders, dropping it to a nearby chair. Faust poked her head out from under his collar, peering up at him with her red eyes. 

_Sleep?_ She asked with a flick of her tongue. 

Asra nodded, settling her down on a pile of blankets in the corner of his bed. Faust burrowed in until only her head stuck out, closing her eyes. Asra perched on the side of the bed, pulling off his boots and removing his shirt. He laid down, his hands behind his head, staring up at the gauzy fabric draped over the top. A long slow sigh escaped his lips as he closed his eyes. It was quiet, almost too quiet. He wasn’t quite used to being this alone. 

Asra had never felt like he had belonged anywhere. After his parents were gone, he grew up on the docks. Befriending Muriel was a small blessing and when the two of them decided to relocate to the woods, Asra was sure he had found a home. Even then, it wasn’t quite enough. He would go back to the market, telling fortunes and selling herbals. Until he met the niece of the proprietor of the local magic shop. 

Meeting Celeste was ... well, everything. Her honeyed hair and creamy skin, the way she laughed at his stories, the way her tongue poked out between the corners of her lips when she was deep in thought. The way she made him feel. The way she challenged him every day to do better, to be better. 

Then the Plague hit Vesuvia. So much had changed then. Fighting and running, death and life, love and loss. Those were not times Asra ever wanted to relive. Pulling the blanket over his head, he forced himself to forget. To move on. 

Sleep eluded him for a long time and when he finally did, his dreams were less than peaceful. 

_Asra found himself back at the shop, lounging back on the single bed in the upstairs room. She was there with him, her aquamarine eyes trailing over him as her fingers followed the familiar path over the contours of his chest and stomach. A contented sigh escaped his lips, his head lolling to the side to gaze at her. Her head was tucked between his shoulder and neck, her soft body pressed to his side, her warmth seeping into him._

_“Asra?” She murmured, tilting her head up to meet his eyes._

_He hummed low in his throat, running the backs of his fingers over her flushed cheek. She turned into the touch, pressing a kiss to the center of his palm._

_“What is it, darling?” He whispered._

_She didn’t immediately respond, instead she took his hand, slipping it into the open neck of her night gown, until it rested on the swell of her breast over her heart. He could feel it pounding beneath his palm._

_“I...” she stopped. The flush on her cheeks crept up into her ears and down her neck._

_Asra leaned forward, pressing his lips to the tip of her nose and then the corner of her mouth._

_“You know you can tell me anything.” His words were gentle and encouraging._

_“I want you.” Her voice was so low he almost missed it._

_His other arm found its way around her waist, pulling her more securely to his side, the hand on her breast lightly caressing the skin._

_“You already have me,” he replied, knowing she meant more than that but he wanted to hear it. He needed to hear the sentiments in his heart repeated from her own lips._

_She shook her head, guiding his hand lower until he cupped the full weight of her breast in his hand. His thumb flicked over the hard bud of her nipple making her squirm. A light moan followed as he rolled the nipple between his thumb and forefinger._

_His lips found hers then, a low and slow kiss at first until she nipped at his lower lip. Asra groaned, nudging her onto her back, deepening their kiss. Tongues dancing in and out of each other mouths until they were left panting for breath._

_Asra leaned over her, their foreheads pressing together. He searched her eyes even as he found the small row of buttons holding her nightgown together. She bit her lip, giving a small nod. He flicked each tiny button open until he could peel the fabric away from her skin and pull her arms from the sleeves. He didn’t think he had ever seen anything as beautiful as he did in that moment - her laying there bared before him, her skin glowing in the faint light of a few dimming candles. He kissed her again, hard. All tongue and teeth, his hands seeking to touch every inch of exposed flesh he could find. She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders, urging him down upon her body, pressing her deeper into the mattress._

_He left hot open-mouthed kisses along her jaw and down her neck, teeth nipping where her neck met her shoulder, trailing it further down yet. Her back arched off the bed when he sucked a nipple into his mouth._

_“Asra!” His name spilling from her lips almost like a prayer. It only encouraged him further. He switched to her other aching nipple, his hand trailing down her stomach to cup her against his hand._

_She mewed when his fingers parted her folds dipping into the wetness between. He ran his finger up and down her slit, gathering her moisture then circling the finger around her clit. Her moan seemed to echo through him and he felt hot all over. The throbbing between his legs grew all to prominent. What he wouldn’t do for her. She let out a noise of protest when he detached himself from her chest. He gazed up at her, her face flushed and sweat starting to accumulate on her brow. Her bright eyes were half closed as she chewed on her lower lip._

_This time when his fingers slid through her wet folds again, the tip slipped into her hole. She was impossibly tight as he worked a single finger deep inside. He rose up to press their foreheads together again as his finger made slow and steady work moving in and out. He peppered her face with light kisses, feeling her relax beneath him. He caught her lips in another breathless kiss, adding a second finger to the first. She cried out against his mouth, her nails sinking into the muscle of his forearms._

_“Please... please,” she begged panting._

_He felt her tightening around his fingers as he moved them faster, grinding his palm against her clit with every inward motion. She rocked her hips trying to pull him closer._

_He leaned into her ear. “Cum for me, baby.”_

_It was enough to send her over the edge with a loud groan as her muscles contracted. A name passed her lips as she came down from her high, but it was not his name._

_Asra startled, yanking himself back and his heart leaping into his throat. He stared down at his hands or at least what he thought were his hands. They were too big, too pale. The black mark upon the top of one was definitely not his. He jumped out of bed and over to the mirror on the wall. Expecting violet eyes, he was met with grey and fiery red curls. The face was not his either and it was one he knew all too well._

_Ilya._

Asra bolted upright in bed. His heart pounding in his ears and his stomach twisted into a tight knot. He felt the tears prick his eyes and the bile rise up on the back of his throat. It was all he could do to grab the decorative vase on his night table and vomit onto it. 

His chest heaved and he panted for breath as if there wasn’t enough air in the room to fill his lungs. Tears streamed down his cheeks even as he retched. When his stomach finally settled, he set the vase aside, pressing a fist to his mouth and biting down into his knuckles. Another choked sob racked his body, even as he felt a cool slither up his back and around his shoulders. 

Faust rested her head under his chin. 

_Nightmare?_

All he could do was nod, his teeth finally breaking skin. The metallic taste of blood on his tongue. 

_Same?_

Asra shook his head. “Worse.” 

_Sorry._ Faust gave him a tight squeeze. 

Asra shook his head in an attempt to clear it but the images were burned there. It was also difficult to ignore the uncomfortable ache between his legs. The dream had also been part memory, one he had always held so close to his heart. It was the first time they had ever made love. A night he had revisited in his mind more times than he cared to remember. But now it was tainted. 

He unwound Faust and set her back down on the bed, he went over to the vanity. Holding his hand over the empty bowl, he quickly filled it with chilly water. He rinsed the taste of vomit from his mouth, making a mental note to buy Nadia a new vase, and splashed it over his overheated face and the back of his neck. This time when he glanced up into the mirror, his own reflection stared back at him. Violet eyes tired and white hair messy. 

He glanced down; his hard cock was still straining against the seams of his loose-fitting pants. He growled on frustration; this was the last thing he needed right now. But even now, it seemed like she still had this effect on him. 

Against his better judgement, he braced one hand against the side of the vanity, the other one finding its way into his pants. A hiss escaped from between his teeth as he took himself in hand, giving a slight squeeze. His back arched as he stroked hard and fast. The muscles in his arms and shoulders tensing as he worked closer to his release. 

He saw her face again. The way he remembered her best - sparkling eyes, bright smile. It was enough to send him over the edge, his body convulsing and his head falling back with a rough growl. 

Asra pulled out his cum covered hand and gazed at it in disgust before quickly washing it in the vanity bowl. He stripped out of his soiled pants and threw them into the pile to be laundered. He found clean clothes and dressed for the day, there was no point in trying to get anymore sleep. 

He settled down into an overstuffed chair by the window. Faust slithered over to join him. 

_Better?_ She flicked her tongue at him. 

His shoulders fell. “I can’t go on like this anymore, Faust.” 

_Help!_

“No, though I appreciate the sentiment. What could we possibly do? She picked someone else.” 

_Fight._

Asra sighed, scratching her under the chin. “If it were only that easy. She doesn’t remember me the way I remember her. And telling her would be of no use at this point. I just miss her.”

_Miss._

“I know, Faust. You loved her too.” 

Faust said no more, giving him another tight squeeze. Even if he was destined to be alone, at least he had Faust. 

He leaned back in the chair, watching the sunrise out the window and wondered what he was going to do with himself that day. 

Asra must have started to doze off, despite his better efforts to stay awake, not wanting to have another nightmare. He was startled awake by a loud knocking on his door. He grumbled as he shuffled over and opened it. 

“Good morning, Asra!” Portia grinned from the other side. “I didn’t wake ya, did I?” 

“No. Is there something I can help you with?” He forced a small smile to his lips in an attempt to appear happy. 

“Oh, no. I was actually coming to invite you to dinner tonight. I know it’s kind of last minute but I thought it would be fun to get the world-saving gang back together again. Don’t worry, I’m not cooking. Nadia promised food from the palace kitchens. Please, say you will come.” Her enthusiasm was infectious and she spoke a mile a minute. 

Asra knew it was a bad idea. He couldn’t imagine having to face either of them after his most recent nightmare. But he would try his best. If nothing else, Portia was a welcomed distraction and maybe he would seat himself far away and hide behind Nadia. 

“I’ll be there.” He found himself saying before he could talk himself out of going. 

“Wonderful! Seven tonight at my cottage and don’t be late!” 

Portia turned to leave but he stopped her. 

“Have you seen my parents yet this morning?” 

“They had their breakfast sent up to the library. If you want, I can have a third plate sent up if you want to meet them there?” 

“Thank you, Portia, that would be great.” 

She smiled, remembered him about dinner and then disappeared out the door. 

His parents would know what to do. After twenty years, he was glad to have them back. If there was anyone who could help him try and sort this out it was going to be his parents. He could not suffer another night was a nightmare like that. 


	2. Catharsis

The cards in his pocket seemed to vibrate with their powerful energy, urging him to pull them forth. Asra gritted his teeth, the heels of his boots softly clicking on the marble beneath his feet. The hall was eerily empty as he strode towards the library. 

He had sent Faust on an errand. It was stupid really, but as the saying goes - old habits die hard. As much as he didn’t want to know, he had to know. He had to make sure she was still okay otherwise that stupid plague doctor will have wished he never came back from being hanged. 

The cards didn’t relent and he finally sighed, slipping into a small alcove, half hidden by the gauzy white fabric. He leaned heavily against the wall, gazing out the open window for a moment before his hand found the deck. He wondered what they so urgently wanted to tell him, yet terrified of what he might find. 

His fingers ghosted over the top card before steeling his resolve and flipping it over. 

_The Lovers._

Asra had to resist the urge to snort. Of course, of all the card that could have possibly wanted to speak to him, it had to be this one. He slid down the wall until he hit the floor. 

_Do not forget who you are._ The dueling voice whispered in his mind. _Do not carry out a decision based on fear or worry or guilt or shame. Now, more than ever, you must choose love – love for yourself, love for others and love for the Universe._

His lips trembled as he flipped the card back over and tucked it back into the deck. The Arcana were not known for their direct answers. Usually leaving more questions behind than were answered. Maybe his parents would be the missing link. The Lovers was their patron Arcana after all. 

He ran his hands over his face with a heavy sigh, pushing himself off the wall and back out into the hall. 

Aisha and Salim were already in the library when he arrived. Settled at a low table by one of the massive stained-glass windows, they waited for him, their food untouched. 

He muttered a quiet good morning before making himself comfortable on a large blue pillow. Grabbing a pastry from the tray, he shoved half of it into his mouth. He chewed slowly. Palace pastries were always the best, but nothing beat the pumpkin bread from the baker in the market. He didn’t even want it; his stomach having not quite settled yet.

He set the other half down and glanced up at his mother, who sat across from him. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked without any preamble as she poured him a cup of tea. 

He held it between his two hands, glancing up at her over the rim. 

“Nothing.” 

The tea burned his lying tongue. He wanted to talk to them, to trust them, but now as he sat there, it felt almost impossible. He was so used to hiding, to retreating into himself. Trusting someone else with his heart, after what was left had been shattered, was exceedingly more difficult than Asra imagined. 

Salim rested a hand upon Asra’s shoulder. 

“You know you can talk to us.” He gave a reassuring squeeze. 

Aisha reaches across the table and took hold of his hand. “I know we missed so much, Asra. Years that we cannot ever get back, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to try now.”

“I am not the child you remember,” Asra whispered. 

“You have grown in talent, in wisdom, in strength. We could not be prouder of the person you have become. And you did it all on your own.” 

The words his mother spoke was like a balm to his aching soul. That’s all he had ever strived for, was to make them proud and never knowing if he has ever accomplished that goal. But to hear it now, meant more than anything else she could have said. 

“Well, not all on my own,” Asra remarked, squeezing Aisha’s hand. He took another slow sip of his tea. 

“Why don’t you tell us,” Salim offered. “We didn’t have any pressing matters today; besides it would be nice to catch up.” 

Asra downed the rest of his tea and refilled the cup. He was going to need a lot more than tea to get through his tale. But if his parents were willing, then he would start at the very beginning. Maybe when he got to more current events where he was currently struggling it wouldn’t be so hard to talk about.

“I would like that.” Asra paused and cleared his throat. “I supposed I should start on the day you went to the palace and never returned...”

Asra talked about his time at the docks, the loneliness, fear and hunger he suffered. Until another magician had given him a snake egg. Faust changed everything, suddenly he wasn’t alone anymore. How he found his gate and began his tutelage with the Magician. When he befriended Muriel, the first time he learned to trust again. The years in the woods with him, only coming back to the city for the yearly masquerade. There was a certain fondness for those simpler days when it had been just him, Muriel and their shared solitude. But somehow, he always thought something was missing. 

He closed his eyes recalling the day Countess Nadia came to town and he met Celeste for the first time. He had set up a rent outside her aunt’s magic shop and she had come to see what he was all about. He was struck with her from the first minute he spent with her. And all the subsequent years when he would come back in the hopes of just catching a glimpse of her. 

When her aunt retired and passed the failing shop down to her, she asked him for help. He had hesitated with moving back into town, but she convinced him. Together they had managed to turn it around and made it a staple in town. He even took her on as an apprentice of his own. Celeste had possessed some basic intake talent for magic, but with his gentle guidance, her powers soon rivaled his own.

He couldn’t quite pinpoint the moment he fell in love with her. Maybe he had loved her from the first time he ever saw her. There had been so much fear in ever expressing what he felt, the warmth in his chest whenever he gazed upon her. And when he finally mustered the courage to tell her, to say that he loved her, she said it back. He would never forget the nights wrapped in her arms, waking up to her smiling face every day. Those times had been perfect. 

Until the Plague. 

This is where he stopped with a ragged breath, idly wiping away a tear that had slipped from his eye. He didn’t know when his mother had moved to sit beside him, her arm wrapped around his waist and his father’s around his shoulders. He leaned into them, taking the support they so freely offered. 

“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want,” Aisha whispered. “It is a lot for one day.” 

“No.” Asra sighed, sucking in as much air as his lungs could hold. “I need to finish. The Plague changed everything. She wanted to stay to help the sick and the dying. I wanted to take us as far from the city as we could get. To put as much distance between us and that damnable disease as I could. We fought, bitterly. In the end, I ran. I left her behind. When I finally had the courage to return, when the regret of leaving was practically eating me alive, I went looking for her. It was too late. She had... died... of plague.” 

Even just saying it out loud was like ripping his heart apart all over again. He explained how he went to the Palace and joined the legions of doctors determined to find a cure, but he didn’t want a cure, he wanted Celeste back. And the Palace had resources he never would have been able to get his hands on. But during his time there, he befriended the Countess and a particular plague doctor - Julian Devorak. 

Asra fought to find the right words to describe his rather unorthodox relationship with Julian or Ilya as he still called him. Ultimately, he glossed over much of the details, a deep regret that he still hadn’t quite accepted with the way he acted, the way Julian cling to him. Even though whatever their relationship was, it ended in a passionate and fiery argument when Asra leaned some truths he didn’t want to accept. 

He talked at length about the magical ritual - a purpose of resurrection - and the deal he made - the loss of half his heart. The aftermath and the fallout from what he had managed to accomplish. Celeste was alive again, even if she remembered nothing of her life. Asra thought it as his punishment for leaving her in the first place and trying to tell her their past only had detrimental consequences. So, he gave up trying. He did everything he could for her, to get her to be able to live a normal life, even if he had to squash every feeling, suppress all the words of love which resided in what was left of his heart. 

He did what he did best, he ran. When it got too difficult, when he thought he would crack, he ran. Even when she begged him to stay and not leave for another journey, he ran. Even when he finally had the courage to return, she was always there waiting for him with open arms. Until the time where he went away and came back only to find her in the arms of another man. 

“And then all that nonsense with Lucio and the Devil threw everything out of whack. It only pushed them closer together. I thought I had come to terms with the idea that she would never love me the way she did or the way I do. But seeing them together... it’s like a knife to the chest.” 

He didn't realize he was crying until Aisha wiped stray tears from his cheeks. A sense of relief rushed through him. It felt good to get it all off his shoulders. Not that there had been any answers, at least not yet, but sharing his hurt, made the burden seem almost easier to bear.

“My poor boy.” Aisha pulled him into her arms and he buried his face in her shoulder. Shudders ran through his entire body. 

“I can’t run anymore,” he whispered, his voice rough and thick with tears. “I can’t sleep without nightmares. Without seeing her face, without seeing her look at him the way she once looked at me.” 

“We cannot change another’s heart any more than we can change our own…”

“But it’s literally the other half of mine!” Asra shouted interrupting what his father was going to say. 

Salim sighed, running a hand over Asra’s back. “I will not pretend to understand the magic you had to do to get her back. Necromancy and resurrection are far out of my wheelhouse. You did what you did out of love, out of a sheer determination to right some perceivable wrong. But such magic always has its consequences. For you, it was her memory. Tell me again what would happen when you tried to restore them?”

Asra scrubbed his sleeves over his face, turning back to his long cold tea and taking a large mouthful. This was the hardest part and he almost didn’t want to talk about it again. But maybe, just maybe, if he explained it to his father one more time, he might be able to offer some kind of insight.

Salim and Aisha listened with a patient silence as Asra tried to explain Celeste’s memory loss again and the set backs they had faced. 

“You cannot even tell her a direct memory without a headache?” Salim asked. 

Asra shook his head. “No. She cannot remember nor can she hear what happened.” 

Salim made a long noise from his throat, leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed. Asra could almost see the wheels spinning in his head. 

“Did you consider starting over?” Aisha finally inquired. 

“Starting over?” Asra frowned. He wanted to have everything to go back to the way they were before the plague, to before he had left. 

“Yes,” Salim started slowly. “She might not share the memories you had together, but if I understand you correctly, that would not stop her for gaining new ones. You could have simply hit reset on your relationship and started again as if you had no history.” 

Asra opened his mouth to say something but snapped it shut before he could say anything. His parents were right. He had spent so much time and energy trying to get back what he lost, that he had never considered leaving it in the past where it belonged and beginning afresh. He had brought this misery onto himself. He should have just been there for her and allowing things to come naturally to them as it had in the past. 

Now, Asra had a lot to think about now. Consulting his parents had been the right choice, even if he still didn’t know what he was going to do.

Starting over now was impossible, especially with Julian in the picture. At least, he had dinner tonight to look forward to. He could at least see her and hopefully, be able to talk to her. There was a part of him that secretly hoped that whatever attachment she had to Julian would only be temporary. That maybe he still had a chance to make things right. 

He stayed with Aisha and Selim in the library for several more hours. Talking and catching up, feeling like he actually had a family. It was late in the day when he finally made his way back to his room to freshen up before dinner. He felt Faust at the edge of his mind, knowing she had returned from her errand and he wanted to see her when he heard the news. 

Faust popped her head up from her bundle of blankets when Asra entered the room. 

_Back!_

Asra smiled, sitting beside her on the bed, scratching her under the chin as she wrapped around his shoulders. “I’m glad to see you. How was she?” 

_Happy._

“Of course. And Ilya?” 

_Same!_

Asra groaned. He wasn’t even sure why he had bothered to ask. Faust gave him a tight squeeze anyway. 

“No one saw you?”

_Sneaky!_

“Well, I’m happy you’re back. Let’s get to dinner so Portia doesn’t come after me. I need you with me tonight, Faust. I don’t know what I would do without you. You have been with me longer than anyone else.” 

Faust curled up under his collar as he headed towards the door.

Her last word before he drifted out into the hall: _Family._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Be Continued.... 
> 
> All and any feedback is greatly welcomed!


	3. News

Asra envied Portia’s little cottage on the palace grounds. It was quiet and secluded where she could be totally self-sufficient if she so chose. He missed that, he realized, living in the palace as opposed to the shop. While the thought was odd, he missed doing things for himself, having always been very self-sufficient. He wondered if he could talk Nadia into having one built for him somewhere as well. 

Smoke curled up from the chimney and candles were alight in the windows. It felt warm and welcoming, Asra wanted to turn right around. But he promised Portia and had no doubts that she would find him no matter where he hid in the palace. He stopped at the edge of the clearing. 

“You should stay out here, Faust. I will not have you fighting with Pepi again,” Asra chuckled, extending his arms so she could slither up and into a tree. 

_Thief!_

“I don’t care who found the mouse first!” It felt good to laugh. 

_Mine!_

Asra patted her head. “Now, go find your own dinner.” 

Faust flicked her tongue before disappearing into the leaves. 

Asra shook his head before going to knock on Portia’s door. 

“Asra! You made it!” Portia grinned, punching him in the arm harder than he had thought possible. “Come on in. Mazelinka and Nadia are already here.”

Asra followed her over the threshold. It was warm and welcoming, a small fire burned on the hearth and the short table was laden with food. Mazelinka stood over a large kettle on the hearth, stirring it with her trusty wooden spoon. Asra was convinced he had yet to see her without it. He greeted her as he passed, the smell of whatever she was concocting tingled in his nose. 

“Tea or soup?” He asked, pausing for a second. 

“Tea,” Mazelinka answered, tapping the spoon against the kettle. “Pasha tells me you are an herbal expert. Care to warrant a guess?” 

Asra nodded as Mazelinka ladled some liquid into a well-worn cup. He brought it to his nose. 

“Peppermint, cinnamon, ginger, chamomile, lemongrass,” he replied, breathing in again and taking a small sip. There was something he was missing. “Licorice... eleuthero... and catnip?” 

The wooden spoon hit the floor. Mazelinka blinked at the magician for a long moment before giving out a bark of laughter. 

“You are good!” 

Asra grinned into the cup, taking another slow drink. “And it’s delicious.” 

Mazelinka shook her head, turning back to the kettle and pulling it off the fire. “And now, if those other two could only be on the, we might be able to enjoy it.”

Tea in hand, Asra settled down on a pile of pillows beside Nadia on the far side of the room.

“Countess.” 

“Magician.” 

They both cracked a smile. 

“Thank you for letting me stay, Nadi.” 

Nadia waved her hand. “Don’t even think about it, Asra. You know you are always welcome here, though I’m curious to know what prompted the change.” 

Asra had thought it was obvious. “My parents...”

Nadia gave him a sideways glance. “You can’t lie to me, Asra. I know about the vase, too. My servants talk, you know.” 

He winced, sipping at his tea. “What do you want me to say? I live in a world manifested of my own misery. Something, I fully accept I have brought unto myself. And until I either go crazy from it or come to terms with it, I need to put some distance between myself and my torment.” 

“Yet, you came tonight.” Nadia swirled the wine around in her glass. 

“Maybe some of Ilya’s masochistic tendencies have rubbed off on me.”

“I thought that was one of the things you... enjoyed about him.” 

Asra felt his mouth go dry and no amount of tea was going to fix that. He really didn’t want to think about the things he “enjoyed” about Julian. Or rather the things he enjoying doing to him and Asra hated himself for it. There were any number of excuses he could make - he was lonely and Julian was too eager - but nothing could excuse the way he acted. He had taken advantage of the other man, used him for his own pleasure. And Julian being Julian revered him for it. The more Asra hurt him the more attached he became. It was a power that Asra never thought he would want or enjoy. Yet, there was a small part of him that missed it. 

Asra snorted into his tea. Was he really that lonely and sex starved that he missed whatever attachment he might have had in the past? Missing Celeste was one thing - they had spent nine years together and she possessed half his heart after all - but Julian too? That thought was dangerous.

Thankfully, he was jarred from his increasingly depressing thoughts by the front door banging open and a figure in black sweeping into the room. Julian had to duck to keep from hitting his head on the doorframe. His large lanky frame taking up a considerable amount of space. Behind him was a more diminutive figure, dressed in soft blue. 

Celeste. 

They were both flushed in the face despite the slight chill in the air, their clothes left in a subtle disarray but there was no mistaking the crumbled leaves sticking out of her hair. If he didn’t know better, it could have been assumed they had run here to be more on time. But he did know better and the red welt in Julian’s neck, he tried to discreetly hide with the upturn of his collar, gave them away. 

“You’re late!” Portia yelled even as she pulled Julian into a tight embrace. 

“We... ah, well... we took a shortcut,” he managed to stammer out, though his cheek grew pinker. 

“It wasn’t short if you are late,” Portia huffed. 

Mazelinka stood beside Celeste and plucked a leaf from her head. “Or through a forest.”

Nadia also approached the pair, while Asra kept himself so far unseen in the back. She took the leaf from Mazelinka and turned it between her long fingers.

“Clearly, they fucked against the garden wall before gracing us with their presence.” If Nadia was nothing else, she was direct. 

Julian and Celeste both turned a deep shade of crimson. He even tried to find words to defend them but nothing but incoherent babble came from his lips. Celeste, in turn, swept her eyes through the room for anything to distract from the moment. She found Asra hiding in the shadows. 

He felt her eyes upon him. 

“Asra!”

She broke from the group and launched herself at him, her arms around his chest and her flushed face pressed into his shoulder. He didn’t know what to do with his hands. He wanted so desperately to return her embrace but he held back. If he held on, he might not be able to let go. So, he patted her lightly on the back. 

He could feel the warmth of her breath against his skin, the pounding her heart that echoed his own. The room suddenly felt hot. 

“Celeste,” his voice broke, but he tried to hide it in a cough.

“I’ve missed you, Asra. The shop isn’t the same without you there.” 

How many times had he heard her say that and still left her behind? More times than he cared to imagine. 

“It has always been yours. I just watched it for you.” He managed to extract her from him, stepping back.

“The shop became as much yours. Customers miss you too. I really wish you would stop by.” 

Asra hummed, leaning a shoulder against the nearby wall. No, he couldn’t go back to the home they once shared, knowing there was someone else in his place. 

“Maybe some time,” he lied. 

Julian appeared over Celeste’s shoulder, slipping an arm around her waist. He leaned into her ear. 

“Pasha needs you to finish setting up,” he murmured.

Celeste nodded, leaning up on her toes - he still had to bend at the waist - to press a quick kiss to his cheek. Both men watched her leave and once she was out of earshot, Julian turned towards Asra. The magician crossed his arms over his chest and at the ankle, he surveyed Julian for a moment, his violet eyes racking over the darkly clad figure. 

“Ilya,” he said after a brief silence. 

“Asra… uh, hi. How are-”

“Don’t, Ilya. I am here simply because Portia asked me to be. I would not disappoint her, yet I would appreciate if you and I could be cordial with each other if only for her sake and for Celeste. Otherwise, stay away from me.” 

Asra pushed off the wall and moved to walk away, but Julian stopped him, placing a hand on the wall above his head. 

“Please, Asra. She misses you. If we could be friends…”

Asra shook his head, ducking under Julian’s arm. “We cannot be friends,” he whispered over his shoulder. 

Portia stood at the head of the table, calling out for everyone to come gather around. Asra chose to stay next to Nadia towards the end – as far from Celeste and Julian as he could place himself. 

Portia cleared her throat, gathering everyone’s attention. “I wanted to thank everyone for coming on such short notice. I couldn’t resist having everyone who means the most to me here. I would like to thank Countess Nadia for providing all the food for the evening. I know I wouldn’t be able to cook this much, this quickly. Please, enjoy.” 

Bowls and plates of steaming food was passed around as well as Mazelinka’s kettle of tea. Asra readily refilled his cup and took a little bit of food. He didn’t want to eat, despite only having a few bits that morning. However, he put it on his plate anyway, pushing it around with his fork. He kept to himself, only speaking when spoken to and not freely offering anything either. His gaze would occasionally trail down the table to where Julian sat with Celeste, pressed tightly to his side. He offered her a grape between his thumb and forefinger and leaning down, she caught it with her teeth, nipping at his fingers. Her light musical laugh cut threw Asra like a knife and he was sure how much more he could take. 

Asra was going to leave as soon as dinner was over or he couldn’t be held responsible for his actions – whether that was kissing her or punching Julian in his smug face. He growled as he downed the rest of his tea, if nothing else it did help to soothe his nerves. 

Julian cleared his throat, rising from his seat, commanding all the attention to him. 

“I wanted to thank Pasha for having us all here tonight, even if she lured you all here under false pretenses. Celeste and I have something we wanted to share with you all,” Julian paused, offering her his gloved hand. She clasped it tightly as he pulled her to her feet. 

She pressed a kiss to where their fingers were intertwined. “Tell them, my love.” 

The telltale flush crept up Julian’s neck and even from the other side of the table, Asra could tell. 

“I have asked and she has consented. We’re getting married!”

Asra was convinced that he was going to throw up for the second that day. He wanted to disappear, to melt into the background. The cheers and congratulations fell on deaf ears. The ringing in his head overtaking everything else. He didn’t even get up from his chair, he simply sat there, stone stiff and completely numb. All the color drained from his face and his hands shook around the teacup still in his hands.

A light hand upon his shoulder did little to rile him from his daze. Celeste knelt at his side, taking his face between her small hands, forcing him to look at her. Those aquamarine eyes, framed by the soft waves of her honey hair, bore into him, so warm and trusting like she could see into his soul. He gave a half-hearted attempt to pull away, but she didn’t let him.

“Asra?” she whispered.

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something but not a sound wanted to come out. All he could do was shake his head. 

“Master?” she tried. “Please, talk to me.”

Asra swallowed hard on the lump that formed in the back of his dry throat. 

“I’m not your master. Not anymore.” He took hold of her hands and carefully extracted them from his face. 

“Asra, please. You are the only family I have. I want you by my side.” 

His body convulsed, doubling in half, wrapping his arms around his middle. Celeste caught him before he fell out of his chair.

“Julian!” she cried as he gave another violent shudder. 

“No,” he whimpered. 

Finding a strength, he didn’t even know he still possessed in his shock, he ripped himself from her arms as if they were fiery chains. His head was spinning, any attempt to process anything that had been spoken was lost on him. He felt like he was getting dragged underwater and he was going to suffocate. He forced himself to his feet and glared down at her, where she still knelt on the stone floor. 

“I’m sorry,” he managed to force passed his lips. 

No one stopped him as he took several long strides out the door. Once he hit fresh air, he broke out into a sprint, going wherever his feet were going to take him.

TO BE CONTINUED....


	4. Regret

The long willow branches swayed in the light breeze, shielding him from sight. Asra sat at the base of the tree, his legs pulled up to his chest and his head resting in his knees. There were no more tears to cry and he didn’t think he could any more. This place had become his solace years ago and yet he found himself going back here. He wanted to disappear entirely escape to a place where no one would be able to find him. Like he had as a child. But that had been to protect himself, now, it would be running. The one thing he told himself he couldn’t do anymore.

_Find!_

Asra raised his head to find Faust dangling upside down, staring at him with her bright red eyes.

“Faust.”

The lavender snake slithered down from the tree, wrapping her body tightly around his shoulder, her head pressed to his cheek.

“She’s going to marry him.” The words were like acid upon his tongue. It hurt to say it.

Faust nuzzled closer.

_Know._

Asra gasped. “How?”

_Morning._

“Why didn’t you tell me when you came back today?”

_No ask. Spare feelings._

Now, even Faust was keeping secrets from him? He couldn’t blame her really because he knew she always had his best interests at heart. He would have liked to have been a little bit prepared, and not felt like it got hit by a rock. He shouldn’t have been surprised either. He saw the way she looked at him, those same adoring eyes that once graced his person.

 _Coming!_ Faust warned before slinking off into the tree branches.

“Asra!” Julian’s loud baritone rung out through the garden maze.

Asra ran his hands over his face, trying to scrub away any remnants of tears. So, Julian had found him first and probably the last person he wanted to talk to.

“Yes, Ilya?” he asked, trying to keep his tone neutral as he stepped out from beneath the willow.

Julian whirled around, his cloak billowing out around him. His one stone grey eye widened, his ever-present eyepatch obstructing the other.

“Oh- uh... umm... hi?” Julian cleared his throat. “I didn’t think I was going to find you.”

“I am not that hard to find. What do you want, Ilya?”

Asra could see the small beads of sweat beginning to form on the taller man’s brow as he skirted around him and perched himself on the edge of the large fountain. He dipped his fingers into the cool water, watching as the colors swirled around. He was waiting for Julian to speak, not trusting himself to speak first.

“Celeste is upset,” Julian started slowly.

“Forgive me if I was a little shocked at the news. You didn’t strike me as the marrying man.” Asra kept his gaze fixed on the water.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Julian stepped closer.

Asra raised and dropped a shoulder. “You are never in one place long; I can’t imagine you settling into domestic life.”

“Coming from the guy who left all the time. She told me; you know. Of all the times, you would just disappear for weeks or months at a time. If I remember correctly, you were the one who was afraid of commitment.”

“I’m not afraid of commitment, I was simply not committing to you.”

Julian placed his hand over his heart and stumbled back as if he had been hit. If it weren’t for the infuriating smirk upon his lips, Asra might have believed him.

“There’s a shocker. Did you even care for me?”

Asra pulled his hand from the water, shaking the droplets from his fingers before turning his gaze to Julian.

“Ilya...” he started but stopped short, the words catching on his tongue.

Did he care for Julian, of course he did. He didn’t share his bed with people he didn’t care for. His feelings for the doctor were complicated to say the least. For the short time they were together, the feelings he had developed he had taught himself to ignore. He didn’t want an attachment, he fought so hard against making one. Especially one of a romantic nature, since his single-minded focus on getting Celeste back. And it was unwise to form attachments in the midst of the plague.

He had missed what was right before his eyes and shoved it away.

“Ilya, I...” Asra tried again, afraid of finally admitting something he had only just realized for himself.

“Wow,” Julian intoned. “You can’t even lie to me and pretend like I was anything more than something warm to stick your dick in. Tell me what you want, Asra.”

Asra winced, he certainly made it seem that way.

Julian grabbed onto his upper arm, yanking him to his feet. Asra growled ripping his arm away from Julian’s grasp. He took a step back glaring at the taller man.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?”

The tension shifted. The words an echo of the past. Of a much different night. A night where magic laid heavy in the air and inhibitions had run low. Julian had followed Asra home to the shop. The single flick of a knife had changed everything.

The shudder that ran through Julian was not missed by Asra. He closed the gap between them, slipping his hand around Julian's neck to sink into the thick red hair at the nape. He yanked him down, crushing their lips together in a brief but fierce kiss.

Julian pulled away first, grey eyes boring down into lavender.

"Does that answer your question?" Asra murmured as he released his hold. "You are my biggest regret."

"Yes... I suppose. But- I uhm... I don't understand.”

"You were there for me when I didn't even know that I needed the shoulder to lean on. You cared for me when I didn't even care for myself. When things became too real, to accept that you meant something to me, I pushed you away." Asra released a ragged breath, running his hands over his face. "I loved you."

Julian sputtered. "You... What?"

"I loved you, you big idiot. Against thought, reason or my better judgement but when it came so close to getting her back, I shoved you away. I told myself that she meant more to me than you did. Committing to you meant that she was truly gone and I refused to accept that. When I had her back and she remembered nothing about us, it broke me a second time. I convinced that as long as she was happy, I could be too. But when I saw her with you. I knew this was my punishment, because all I had managed to do is hurt both of you.” By the time he was done, the tears were streaming down his cheeks again, just when he thought there was no more moisture left in him. He was shaking anew as he sank back down on the lip of the fountain.

For once in his life, Julian was silent, his mouth gaping like a fish out of water. He approached the magician, laying a gentle hand upon his shoulder, sinking down to his knees. Asra found himself falling into the doctor’s embrace, his forehead pressed to Julian’s heavy woolen jacket.

“Tell me how to make this right,” Julian whispered, his gloved hands running circles over Asra’s back.

Asra shook head. There was no making this right. At least he couldn’t possibly think of a way.

“Be happy and love her. Love her for the both of us. Good bye, Ilya.”

Julian didn’t fight or argue when Asra pulled away and headed back into the palace. There was only one place left to go.

*****

“Julian!” Celeste called out, fighting her way through the maze. She knew he had gone this way when they broke from Portia’s house in search of Asra. Her search of the forest had turned up fruitless, she was hoping that he had at least found something.

Rounding the corner, she finally came to the center of the maze. Julian was still kneeling beside the fountain. She ran up to him, throwing her arms about his broad shoulders. He nuzzled his nose into her hair, letting out a heavy sigh.

“We broke him, Celeste,” Julian whispered against her skin, wrapping his long arms around her middle.

She ran fingers through his thick auburn hair. “You found Asra?”

Julian swallowed thickly with a nod of his head. “I did.”

Celeste nudged his head back until her eyes met his one. “What did he say.”

“More than you can imagine. He loved me, Celeste, when I thought I was nothing more than a plaything to him. But you, you hold his heart in your hand.”

“He loves me?”

She knew they had been close, her only memories always had him there. She couldn’t remember a time where Asra wasn’t there with her or for her. But he had been hesitant, distant. All the times she begged him not to leave her alone again and he would still walk out of the shop without as much as a look back.

Julian maneuver them until they were sitting on the lip of the fountain. He took both of her hands in his, giving them a tight squeeze and raised them to brush his lips against her knuckles.

“He loves you more than he ever loved me or loves himself. He never forgave himself for leaving you behind or for your loss of memories.”

She pressed her lips to his knuckles as well. “But I never blamed him for those things. I would still be dead if it weren’t for the things he had to do. And I love him too, Julian. I hope you understand.”

A small wistful smile crosses his face. “Of course, I do. It is hard to stop loving someone like Asra, believe me, I’ve tried and came out wanting.”

“What are we going to do?” she asked.

They needed to talk to him. Celeste knew this was not something that was going to be solved with one conversation. It was going to take time.

“He disappeared back into the palace,” Julian started. “We have to find him, in the state he’s in, I don’t know what he is capable of doing.”

Celeste nodded. “Then we better get going. He probably went back to his room.”

Julian stood, helping her to stand. They were just about to take off for Asra’s rooms when Celeste hears a little voice echoing in her head.

_Friend!_

Celeste stopped mid-step, glancing around.

Julian frowns. “What is it?”

“Faust,” she whispered, still looking for a glimpse of purple.

“Asra’s snake?”

Faust wiggled her way across the grass at a pace Celeste had never seen her move before.

_Help!_

Celeste knelt in the grass and scoops her up. Faust wound her away around until their faces are even.

“What’s the matter, Faust?”

_Lost!_

Julian cleared his throat beside her, shuffling his feet. “Are you talking to the snake?”

“Faust and Asra have an unbreakable bond, they can communicate telepathically for miles. When she is close, I can hear her as well,” Celeste explained before turning her attention back to bright red eyes before her. “What do you mean lost?”

_Silence._

Celeste gasped before breaking out in a sprint. It only took Julian several strides with his long legs to catch up with her.

“What did she say?” he asked, though he had always been skeptical of that snake.

“Asra isn’t responding to her. He would never…” Celeste couldn’t even finish the sentence as she picked up the pace.

Together, they ran through the palace ignoring all the pairs of questioning eyes as they ran past. No one tried to stop them and even if they had, they weren’t going to stop. She had to get to Asra. They were outside his door in seconds. Reaching out her hand to the door handle, Celeste felt a jolt of magic, snatching her hand away with a hiss.

“He warded the door with something far more powerful than I have ever seen him use,” Celeste muttered.

Julian, in turn, pounded a fist against the heavy wood and calling out to him. They were only met with silence.

_Hurry!_

Faust was quivering as her tongue flicked out anxiously, looking at Celeste. She reached out her hand again, slower this time, feeling her magic tingle against her fingertips. If she had been able to bound the Devil, a ward on a door was not going to stop her from entering. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead as she forced the bolt from the door, a distinctive click echoing through the empty hall.

“Got it!” She flung the door open and Faust immediately fell from her shoulders.

The snake scooted along the ground to the bed, where the drapes had been pulled, disappearing behind the heavy velvet.

“Asra?” Celeste called out, not wanting to shock him further if he happened to be awake. But when no response came and she tried a little louder.

Still nothing.

Julian strode in behind her and approached the bed, flinging the curtains open with a flourish. Faust popped her head up from where she was curled up on Asra’s chest. Still fully dressed, he laid on his back, one arm against his side and the other across his stomach and his eyes were closed. 

_Sleep?_ She asked, even as she butted her head against his chin.

“Asra!” Celeste shouted. Sinking down on the bed, she seized him by the shoulders, giving him a hard shake but he didn’t move. She brought her hand up to her mouth, biting down on a finger. She turned wide eyes to Julian. “Is he…”

Julian pressed two fingers to the side of Asra’s neck, waiting for something. After a moment, that felt like an eternity, he let out a soft breath, his tense shoulders sagging.

“He’s alive. If only barely,” Julian breathed a sigh.

Tears fell down Celeste’s cheeks as she grabbed him again, holding him tightly to her chest and running her fingers through his white curls. She reached out with her magic again, searching for his, trying to feel to anything that said he was still there. His magic flickered like a small candle in the distance, but it was still there. He had gone somewhere she couldn’t reach and had left his body behind. If he had gone to his gate, especially without his body, Celeste didn’t know if she would ever be able to reach him. The magical realms were still not a place she had gone to without his assistance.

She brought her lips to his ear. “What did you do?”

TO BE CONTINUED……


	5. Lost

Celeste cradled Asra’s listless body to her chest, her nose buried in his hair and breathing in his familiar scent of tea and incense. Her tears soaked the shoulder of his shirt and her fingers dug into the hard muscles of his back. Faust wound herself around the pair of them, offering her support. Julian had slid in behind Celeste, using his own broad chest to keep them upright. 

“Why do you have to go where I cannot follow?” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.” 

“No one is to blame,” Nadia comment from her place at the window, glancing over. 

Nadia and Portia had found them shortly after their discovery in Asra’s room. The screaming has drawn them to their location. Nadia had immediately sent Portia in search of Asra’s parents. 

“If I had known,” Celeste murmured. 

“There was no way to know.” Nadia rubbed a hand over her brow. 

“Asra was the master at keeping secrets,” Julian offered, running his fingers through her hair. His lips brushed over the back of her ear. “If he didn’t want you to know, you never would.” 

Celeste sighed, she kissed Asra’s forehead, feeling a slight tingle of magic. He was still there somehow and it was enough to offer a small measure of comfort. They were going to get him back, she refused to accept any other outcome. 

The door to the room burst open once more, Aisha and Salim rushing through the door. They stopped dead in their tracks when they caught sight of Asra laying limply in Celeste’s arms. 

“What happened?” Salim asked, the first to regain his composure. 

Aisha simply had tears glittering in her eyes as she approached the bed, her hand reaching out to stroke the white curls from his face. His white lashes rested against tanned cheeks. She sat down on the bed beside them and Celeste relinquished him into the arms of his mother. Aisha held him close to her chest. 

“My child,” she whispered into his hair. 

Now that her arms were empty, Celeste suddenly found herself to feel very restless. Her feet hit the floor with a soft thud and puttered around, listening to Julian recount to Aisha and Salim the events of the night. They, in term, offered their own thoughts and insights, especially after the conversation they had had with him earlier in the day. 

The more they talked; the more Celeste continued to blame herself. How could she not? She had spent more time with him than anyone else. If there was anyone who knew his habits and his ticks, it would be her. Yet, somehow, she didn’t know he loved her. Or rather, she realized, she didn’t want to see it. Asra was gone too much, but every time he came back, it was as if her heart wanted to beat out of her chest. How she would run to him and wrap him up in her arms, and refuse to let go. While he always hesitated, he would hold her back and tell her how much he missed her. All she knew was him.   
  
Celeste continued to pace as they talked around her. Their words slipped in and out of her head as she tried to figure out how she was going to reach him. A tea cup sitting on his night table drew her attention. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt drawn to it somehow. Lifting it up, she noticed there was still a few stray drops at the bottom and bringing it to her nose, she breathed it in. A frown marred her features. This wasn’t any tea of his own make that she was familiar with and she liked to think she knew them all. She dragged her finger along the few drops and licking it off, her eyes went wide. 

“Julian!” Rushing over, she thrust the cup into his hands. “Tell me this is not what I think it is.” 

Julian frowned, pulling his black glove off with his teeth. Everyone fell silent as he swiped a finger through the cup and brought it to his lips. His eyes went wide and a heat began to rise up into his cheeks. 

“It’s worse,” he murmured. He cleared his throat, rubbing a hand against the back of his neck, as the silence reigned. “This is something we- uh... we made together. During the Plague. As much as we wanted and a needed a cure, Asra wanted to also help alleviate the suffering. So, we took my experience as a battlefield and pirate medic and mixed it with his knowledge of herbs and such. What we got was this. I didn’t think there was still any left or that he remembered what we made it from.” 

“What does it do, Ilya?” Portia whispered from her place by the door. 

Julian’s flush only increased. “I had the misfortune of being Asra’s test subject. I only took this much,” he paused to point at the first knuckle on his thumb. “Barely enough to coat my tongue.” 

“What did it do?” Celeste pressed. 

“I was... well- unconscious three days. I’m larger than he is and I can’t tell how much of this he could have drank.” 

Aisha gave a strangled moan against Asra’s hair, Salim slipping in beside her and wrapping them in his arms. 

Celeste felt like her heart was going to explode in her chest and her mind spun, trying to figure out what they were going to do. Julian had made it all sound rather grim. He didn’t have to say it but they all knew what he was leaving out - he didn’t know if Asra would ever wake up. 

“Is there no antidote?” Celeste found herself asking. 

“There was no need for one. This was only given to people who were going to die,” Julian explained. He frowned, pressing his lips together. “Though, an ingredient list for this might still be among my things at the desk in the library. If I can find that, Mazelinka might be able to help me. If there is anyone other than Asra who could help me, it would be her.” 

“I’ll go with you,” Nadia offered. “I’ve been through your desk any number of times in your absence.” 

Celeste wrapped her arms around her body, she could only hope it worked. In the meantime, she couldn’t sit idly by and do nothing. 

“I need to go in after him.” 

“Celeste,” Aisha whispered to get her attention. “If he is actually unconscious on this plane so will he be in the Magical Realms.” 

Salim nodded. “Which would make finding him that much more difficult, especially if he is hiding within his own gate. But...”

The word hung heavy in the air, like Salim had some idea that he wasn’t quite willing to share yet. It was the small glimmer of hope that she had to hold on to. She was willing to try anything and everything. 

“Yes?” she promoted when he offered anything else. 

Salim sighed, pushing his half-moon glasses up his nose. “You have a strong connection to him; you quite literally hold a piece of him. That could be your beacon, and Faust.”

 _Me!_ Faust popped up from she was curled up beside Asra. 

“Yes, Faust.” Celeste scratched her under the chin. “Do you think you can lead me to him?” 

_Help! Miss._

“She thinks she can help us. She misses him as much as we do.” 

“Right!” Julian surged to his feet, clapping his hands together. “Nadia and I will find the ingredient list and hopefully start working in an antidote. While you guys try to reach him with whatever hocusy pocusy thing you do.” 

Celeste snorted. “Despite everything you’ve been through, magic is still that hard of a concept for you, isn’t it?” 

“Can’t help it. Man of science and all that jazz. But before we do anything, can I talk to you outside for a second?” He offered her his hand. 

Celeste took it as he led her out into the hallway. He stood with his back pressed to the hall and his hands coming to cup her face. Even through the thick layer of leather, she still felt the chill of his hands. Where Asra was a closed book and impossible to read, everything Julian felt was written plain across his face. From the receding flush and the way, he chewed his lower lip. His grey eyes searching for any sort of reassurance. That they were doing the right thing. But even Celeste couldn’t say. 

“Be careful,” he whispered. 

The gravity of the situation hitting Celeste in the chest like a ton of bricks. 

She turned her head to kiss his gloved palm. “You too.” 

“I mean it, Celeste,” he paused to run a hand through his hair. “If anything, anything was to happen to you, I don’t know what I would do. I love you too damn much.” 

Julian wrapped his hands around her, pulling her off her feet until their faces were at the same level. Celeste trailed her fingertips across his cheeks and down his neck, enjoying the way he shivered in response. 

She sealed their lips together. Their kiss was slow and soft as if each was trying to memorize the feeling of the others lips. Her fingers curled into the hair at the nape of his neck, giving it a swift tug. A low moan escaped him as his head tilted back. Flipping his eyepatch up for a moment, she stared into his sterling grey eyes. 

“I love you too. I will be safe.” 

“Bring him home,” Julian responded. “For the both of us. Do whatever it takes to convince him. I trust you to do what is right and what is needed. Please, Celeste. I don’t think either of us could live with ourselves if he were truly lost to us.” 

Celeste’s brows raised at the implications he was making.

“Anything?” she pressed. 

“Whatever… it… takes. Promise me, Celeste, you will do it. Once he is back to us, we can discuss the- uh consequences of our little triangle-ly thing.” 

She offered him a small genuine smile, kissing the corner of his mouth again. 

“I promise.” 

Julian set her down on her feet and wrapped her into one last tight hug, his lips once again whispering in her ear. “Tell me I love him, for me, won’t you?” 

“Of course, Julian.” She gave him a squeeze back and flipped down his eyepatch before they separated. 

Julian stuck his head around the corner of the doorway, startling poor Portia who almost jumped out of her skin. She turned and punched his arm as hard as she could. He beckoned to Nadia, who quickly followed him from the room and down the hall to the library. Julian spared once last glimpse back at Celeste before he disappeared out of sight. 

Celeste took a deep breath and shook out her arms, trying to relieve any sort of tension she felt. Entering the room, she found Aisha had laid Asra back down on the bed. Faust was once again curled up on his chest with its subtle rise and fall. Salim stood at the foot of the bed, his arm around Aisha’s waist. 

“You ready?” he asked as Celeste slipped back inside. 

“As ready a I will ever be. How are we going to do this? Asra always had a way in, I simply followed after him.” Celeste sat down beside Asra, taking his hand in her own. 

“I can send you through, but there is no guarantee where you will land. The safest thing to do is to send you to our gate,” Salim explained. 

Aisha continued. “From there you might be able to find Asra’s because it is safe to say that because he is our child, our gates should be connected somehow. The problem is that was never truly established since we disappeared when he was so young.” 

“All you have to do is follow your heart and use Faust’s intuition in being able to find Asra as she can do on this plane. It should work.”   
  
All Celeste could do was nod. She couldn’t even trust her own words at the moment. She had to believe this was going to work. It had to work. For Asra’s sake, for her own, for Julian. She had to find him. 

With Salim and Aisha’s help, she led down beside Asra on the bed with Faust spread across the two of them. She glanced up at Celeste with a flick of her tongue. 

_Find!_

“You ready? We will stay here and watch over both of you,” Salim whispered.   
  
Aisha waved her hand, her magic washing over the both of him. Soft and calming, much like Asra’s was. Celeste felt something wrap around her wrist even if she couldn’t see anything. 

“A lifeline. Much like Asra used when he sent you and Julian to the Hanged Man. If it one swift tug if you need us to pull you out. But give two smaller ones, so we know when you found him.”

“I will find him. I promise,” Celeste responded. 

Aisha and Salim both pressed a palm to her forehead and suddenly it felt like she was falling. 


	6. Found

Celeste flopped down on a nearby rock, burying her face in her hands. 

“This is useless, Faust. We are never going to find him.” Tears of frustration pricked at the corners of her eyes. 

Faust wound around her shoulders, giving a tight squeeze. 

_Find!_

Celeste chuckled with a shake of her head, wiping away the tears with a sleeve. 

“I wish I had your confidence. It just feels like we have been walking in circles.”

And as far as Celeste knew, they might have been. She didn’t know how much time had passed - minutes, hours, days? Time worked so differently in the magical realms and there was really no way of knowing. Everything was beginning to look the same. The streams of water and geysers of steam seemed never ending no matter how far they walked. 

A heaviness settled into her heart and her chest suddenly felt very tight. It felt like it was squeezing the air right from her body. Even if she didn’t have her body. Celeste wrapped her arms around her middle and doubled over, her heart racing a mile a minute. It only could mean on thing: 

Asra. 

She prayed it was a good sign, even as she forced herself to her feet. Sheer determination alone was going to have to find him. Faust bumped her head against Celeste’s cheek. 

_Right._

Celeste frowned. “But we just came from there.” 

_Right!_ Faust insisted, flicking her tongue out.

Rubbing her head against her chest, Celeste complied with the snake’s instructions. Every step she took felt slower and heavier as she trudged on. The landscape finally morphing into a thick green forest, with low hanging vines and tall broad trees. She was glad for the change in scenery, feeling like it meant she was finally getting somewhere, even if the trail they took felt never ending. 

Celeste began to wonder if this had been a wise choice at all. Part of her began to wondered if she just should have trusted Julian and Mazelinka’s abilities to find a cure for whatever it was that Asra drank. However, she knew she couldn’t sit by and do nothing, especially when she had pushed Asra too far. 

She had loved him for as long as her memory went back. His musical laugh, the soft smile that never seemed to leave his lips, or the daring sparkle of adventure in his eyes. Waiting for him to return from all his journeys was the toughest thing she ever had to do. Waiting until he would push open the door to the shop once more. Until he would wrap his arms around her again. But every time he left without so much as a glance back at her, it was harder and harder to say good bye. The last time he left, he left her with his cards with a strong reassurance that she was ready for them. 

He promised to return and he had, but when he first snuck out the backroom door, Celeste felt like she was never going to see him again. Maybe that was why she accepted Nadia’s invitation to the palace, chased Julian halfway around the city. To feel like she could survive on her own, to do good with the abilities he had imparted on her. Even if it had turned out to be one giant fiasco after another. 

Finding Julian had been another complication to her life that she never expected to find. He loved her for who she was now, not what she had been before. Falling in love with him in return, Celeste knew she would be in for a wild adventure. Julian never hid how he felt, every emotion, every feeling in his heart was always painted across his face for the world to see. And when he looked at her with those adoring eyes, it was impossible to turn away from him. 

In many ways, Julian was the exact opposite of Asra. Where Julian was loud and flamboyant, Asra was calm and collected. Like fire and water, and she wondered how the two of them had ever formed a relationship between them. Asra wouldn’t speak of it and Julian would turn too red in the face to admit to anything. Celeste wondered what it would be like if the three of them could even sit in the same room and have a conversation like the three grown adults they were. There was no doubt that it was going to be messy… very messy. 

Celeste’s foot snagged on an upturned tree root and she went falling headfirst into the ground. 

“Oof!” 

Celeste rolled over onto her back, staring up into the fathomless sky, speckled with a million tiny stars. 

Faust popped into her line of vision. 

_Okay?_

Celeste sighed, pushing up into a sitting position. “I guess this is what happens when I don’t pay attention to where I am going.” 

Faust flicked her tongue… once… twice… three times. She popped up further to stare over Celeste’s head, her whole body seemingly starting to vibrate. 

_Asra!_

She dropped into the underbrush and scurried off faster than Celeste could jump back up to her feet. 

“Faust!” Celeste shouted after the purple serpent. 

Thankfully, the grasses were tall that when Faust slithered by, they would move enough for Celeste to follow after her. Celeste had no idea what had gotten into her, but she had to trust Faust’s intuition. 

Faust stopped before a large stone cliff-face covered into long length of green leafy vines. Celeste skidded to a halt beside her. 

_Asra!_

“Of course. It’s a wall of rocks,” Celeste mutters to herself. 

But she had spent enough time in the magical realms to know that nothing was ever as it appears. She stepped closer, the leaves on the vines shimmering with some unseen power. Reaching her hand out, she felt the magic drifting off of them. It’s warm, soft, familiar. Her heart jumped into her throat.

It was Asra’s magic. 

Celeste’s hand slipped through the leaves and stone as if they were no more than an illusion. Faust wrapped her tail around Celeste’s ankle, giving a sharp tug. Suddenly, everything went dark and it was like she was falling once more into a dark abyss. 

***** 

Swirls of colors and specks of light danced along the inside of his eyelids. He slowly peeled them open, blinking several times to clear his vision. The room was familiar, the feeling of the overstuffed mattress underneath him was familiar. He blinked up at the wooden ceiling. How many sleepless nights had he spent memorizing every twist and knot in the wood? 

He knew where he was. 

The shop. Or rather, the small corner of the upstairs living space he had called a bedroom, simply because it was closed off with gauzy curtains. 

Of course, his subconscious would take him here. To the one place he had ever called home. To the one place he had been avoiding for months and vowed to never step foot in again. 

Sitting up, he leaned forward, pressing the palm of one hand against his forehead. His head was still spinning. That concoction of his and Julian’s make had been foul indeed. He could almost taste the sweetness of it as it coated his tongue. A request of Julian’s that he could not deny. He tried to remember what else he knew of it. Julian had been his test subject after all and he had this vague recollection of Julian recounting hallucinations. Places he had been, people he had seen… years ago. Almost like he was in a waking memory. Maybe that was what this was, he realized as he gazed around. 

Everything was where it was it always was — the stacks of old books resting in one corner, the multicolor crystals he had hung upon strings across the open window, the half burned down candles that graced almost every free space, the pile of forgotten laundry. Yes, everything was where it would be if she was still there. 

He raised a hand to rub the back of his neck, but paused when his hand touched nothing but skin. Using both hands, he felt his throat. He shot out of bed and stared at his reflection in the small mirror that hung upon the wall. At least this time, his own image stared back at him. The blue crystal he always wore still hung from its leather cord, but his gold choker was gone, which only meant… 

No. 

He stumbled back several steps colliding with a pile of books, sending them crashing to the ground as he tumbled down on the bed. 

“Asra?”

The sound of her voice cut through him and his heart pounded painfully against his breast. This couldn’t be. 

Asra watched with wide eyes as the curtains carefully parted and she ducked into the small space. 

She wore one of his shirts which only reached halfway down her thighs, the top open exposing very inch of her ample cleavage. Her hair a rumbled mess, but her eyes were bright. The gold choker was around her neck… where it had always belonged. He had saved for months to be able to pay for it. He would never forget the way her eyes sparkled when he gave it to her. 

A lump formed in his throat. He remembered this morning. A light flush graced his cheeks — he also remembered the night they had had before. The way her bare skin had been pressed up against his own. The smell of the jasmine and vanilla perfume she used in her hair. The shuttering breath against the side of his neck. 

He also remembered how this day would end - the fight that would tear them apart. 

“Asra?” she asked again, sitting down on the bed beside him.

“Celeste.” Her name leaving his lips barely above a whisper. 

Asra reached out a hand, but stopped short of touching her cheek. He knew this wasn’t real. She wasn’t real. And he was of half a mind that if he did dare to touch her that his fingers would go through her like mists. The air caught in his throat when Celeste turned her head, pressing her cheek into his palm. His thumb brushed against her lower lip, eliciting a soft gasp.

“Asra, I—” She stopped when he pressed a finger to her lips.

Even if this was a figment of his drug addled psychosis, he was not going to waste it. Having her here again, to be able to hold her in his arms one more time, maybe he would finally be able to let her go. To have that closure he never had before. Not before she died and then having to live like his love hadn’t existed and then bearing witness to her falling in love with someone else. 

He leaned in, his forehead touching hers, their breath mingling together. An arm wound around her waist, the other slipped from her cheek to bury into the hair at the nape of her neck. Lips brushed together. 

“My love,” Asra murmured against her mouth, as he had done countless times before. His lips ghosting over her forehead, her eyelids, down the slope of her nose. “My heart.” 

He pulled her in for a searing kiss. All tongue and teeth as he tasted the inside of her mouth and nibbled in her lower lip. He wanted to devour her, to memorized every inch of her. His hand slid from her hair, down her neck and shoulder, easing the shirt away from her body. Long nimble fingers wound around her breast, giving it an appreciative squeeze. 

Asra drank in every soft gasp and throaty moan. The sounds sending shockwaves to his throbbing cock, where it was pressed firmly to her hip. Celeste’s hands fisted in his hair as he laved attention to aching nipples, sucking them into his mouth to catch them between his teeth.

He wanted this to last, to take it low and slow until she was nothing more than a quivering mass beneath him. Until she begged for him inside her. But the fear that she might still disappear into a puff of smoke, still lingered in the back of his mind. It felt all too real even if he was sure it wasn’t. But if this was the last time, he would be able to do this, real or otherwise, he wasn’t going to doubt it. 

“I need you,” he murmured against her skin, as his lips trailed over the place where her heart pounded. His fingers snaked between her legs, already finding her hot, wet and more then ready for him. He sank his teeth into the soft skin where her neck met her shoulder as he plunged two fingers deep into her. 

“Asra!” Her cry was paired with her nails digging deep into his shoulders.

He withdrew his fingers, trailing the moisture as he circled her clit, his lips now at her ear. 

“Say it again,” he demanded. The soft waves of her hair brushed up against his flushed cheeks. 

This time his name came out like a soft sigh upon her lips and he knew it would be his undoing. A squeak and a gasp escaped her when he pulled her into his lap, her knees on either side of his hips. With one arm around her waist, he reached down between them, to take his pulsating cock in hand. A deep growl ripped from his throat as he buried himself deep within her without so much as a warning. 

Celeste threw her head back with a loud moan as Asra set a hard pace, grinding their hips together so he could reach as deeply as he could. His arms wound around her waist, holding her tightly to his chest, his nose buried in her hair as he whispered words of love and admiration in her ear. She clung to his shoulders, clawing at his back, her walls quivering around him. 

He encouraged her to wrap her legs around him and he effortless flipped them. Resting his weight on his forearms on either side of her head, Asra leaned down to kiss her again. Swallowing her gasps and moans for his ears only, between light soft kisses, even if the movements of his hips told another story. Her heels dug into his lower back as he almost pulled all the way out before slamming into her again with enough force to shake her whole body. 

This was how he wanted to remember her – his band of gold around her neck, her eyes alight with passion, his name upon her lips. Asra wanted to sear this moment into his mind, to have something to hold on to. Even if half his heart was in her chest, he wanted to keep a small piece of her with him. 

Celeste shuttered around him, throwing her head back with a guttural moan as her orgasm hit her full force. He rocked his hips against her, slowly, gently, as they rode it out together. The feeling of her shaking around him was enough to draw out his own release, growling as he did. 

Their chest heaved together as they fought to catch their breath. Asra pressed one last lingering kiss to her already swollen lips, before he rolled off of her, laying on his back to stare up at that damned ceiling again. He closed his eyes as he willed his racing heart to calm down. A sinking feeling of dread slowly crept over him, partly thinking that if he were to open his eyes again, she would be gone. That the Celeste he remembered would be gone, nothing more than a figment of his wildly overactive imagination. 

His breath caught in his throat when he felt something warm press up against his side. A head upon his shoulder, a hand splayed across his chest, hot breath grazing the side of his neck. His hands moved of its own volition, to lay upon the one on his chest and the other to trace light lines down the curve of her spine. 

“Asra?” His name reached his ears again and he hummed an answer, not trusting his voice to work. “Were we always like this?” 

The question gave him pause, like he had suddenly plunged into very cold water. Forcing his eyes open, she was still there, gazing up at him in earnest. 

“Like what, my love?” he managed to force out. 

A light flush crept into her cheeks as she cleared her throat. “This passionately in love. I don’t know how I ever could have forgotten this.” 

Forgotten…

Asra bolted upright.

No, it wasn’t possible. 

“Celeste,” he started slowly, as his mind struggled to form the words to his question. “How long have we known each other?”

Celeste frowned as she pushed herself up, grabbing the blanket beside her to drape over her shoulders. 

“Why would you ask such a thing?” 

Asra swallowed hard on the lump building up in his throat. If this was the day, he thought it was, it would have been six years into their relationship. Only weeks or months before she died. Before he brought her back again. Otherwise, it would have been…

“How long have we known each other?” he asked again, this time through clenched teeth as he fought to keep the panic from rising up within him at bay. 

"Nine years.” 

Asra gave a struggled cry, wrapping his arms around himself and dropping his head between his shoulders. It felt like he had been punched in the stomach. Repeatedly. 

She wasn’t a memory. She was real. And she was here. And they had just… 

He shuttered and shrunk away when she lightly laid a hand on his trembling arm. 

“How?” The single word was all he managed to get out. 

Before she could answer, he felt a cool slither up his back and drape over his shoulders. His head snapped up to find the lavender serpent staring at him. 

_Me!_ She flicked her tongue at his cheek, and gave him a tight squeeze. _Find!_

“Faust?” he gasped, even as he stroked her under the chin. 

_No leave again. Worried!_

“Your parents opened their gate to us,” Celeste began quietly. “Faust led me here. To you.” 

It was impossible, but then again, when it came to Celeste anything was possible. He had thought by coming here, he could have been able to protect his own heart, to keep it from shattering again. To try to find a way to put the pieces back together as he put as much distance as he thought possible between them. But somehow, they had managed to find him. 

It was like his torment would never leave him. Not even here in the one place he thought he would be safe. No, he had to protect himself now. 

Even if it meant having to push her away. 

“And Ilya?” Asra sneered as he got out of the bed, Faust slithering down into the blankets. He found some discarded clothes in a pile in a corner, and quickly dressed. “What will your precious doctor think when he finds out that our little indiscretion? When he finds out what kind of whore you are?”

Celeste flinched like she had been slapped. Asra knew that his words would hurt her, more than he had ever wanted to. 

“Asra! No! It’s not like that. I love—"

“Don’t lie to me!” 

Asra never raised his voice. Yelling was not something he thought himself capable of. He hadn’t when they had fought before he left her behind to face the plague alone, nor when he finally severed ties with Ilya. But he was furious, upset, heartbroken. 

He leaned in until his nose almost touched her, but she didn’t shrink away from him. His head tilted to one side as he regarded her. Isn’t this what he wanted? 

“Go home, Celeste. Back to Ilya. Back to the life you deserve and forget about me.” 

Her hands shot out and grabbed the front of his shirt in a grip so tight, her knuckles began to turn white. He gave a halfhearted attempt at pulling away, but she wouldn’t relent. 

“I will not go without you, Asra. I promised them I would bring you home. Portia, Nadia, your parents, even Julian. They are all waiting for you. For us.”

“And then what?” he asked, the bravery he tried to manifest beginning to deflate. “We go back to the way things were? I’m sorry, Celeste, but I can’t watch you marry him. Not when the love I have for you still burns in me.” 

_All together!_ Faust’s voice rang through his head. The snake sneaking up on them, winding herself around them both, pulling them until they touched again. 

“Faust!” Asra objected. 

_Squeeze!_

Celeste let out a small chuckle. “I think I know what she is suggesting. But it means that you, me and Julian are going to need to have a very serious conversation. You think you can do that? Because we both can’t live without you, Asra.” 

Asra took a deep breath and rested his chin on the top of her head with a loud sigh. “For you, I can try.” 

She pressed her lips to the side of his neck. “That is all I can ask for.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Be Continued... 
> 
> All feedback is welcomed and encouraged! Sorry, it took so long to get this up.


	7. Homecoming

The warm rainbow water lapped at their toes and her head rested upon his shoulder. Asra had convinced her to stay a bit longer, so they could explore his gate together. He had wanted to bring her here for so long, that now she was, he couldn’t miss the opportunity. 

But their time was growing short and Asra knew he was going to have to face the cold dark truth. 

He had drunk that potion with the intent of never going back. Now, he didn’t know if he could. 

Asra never had problems passing in and out of his gate. Whether it was as simple as closing his eyes or slipping down into a pool of water. Separating his body from his spirit was something that had long become second nature to him. But now, it felt shoving a too big foot into a too tight shoe. 

“Is everything okay?” Celeste asked from beside him. She gave his hand a tight squeeze. 

It began with a slow creeping feeling up his back until it settled in his chest. He had been too shocked when he first saw her to even notice. But as it became more comfortable between them, the ache in his chest only continued to intensify. 

His body was dying. 

Asra feared what would happen if he tried to go back into his body. It might trap him there indefinitely and he had no other way of knowing. Or he would pass between worlds, much like Lucio or Celeste, for a time. 

His only comfort was having her by his side. 

He raised their intertwined fingers and pressed them to his lips. 

“Everything is fine, darling.”

How could he tell her? How could he expect her to understand? 

More importantly, what was he doing to do? He had promised to go back and he knew he couldn’t disappoint her anymore. Too many years were spent hiding and disappointing her, that he refused to do it anymore. But the potion he and Julian had crafted was not meant to be reversed, allowing people to ease into death before the plague would ultimately take them. 

“Asra?” Celeste asked, tilting her head up to look at his profile. “We should be going back before we are missed over long.” 

Asra sighed, kissing the top of her head. “I know, though I have enjoyed this moment of having you all to myself again.” 

“I can tell,” she chuckled. “And I promise it won’t be our last.” 

A small wistful smile crossed his face. “I hope not. But Celeste, there is something you need to know. That potion I took, the one Julian and I had made for the Plague, it’s…” He trailed off with a sigh. But when he gazed down into her warm eyes, and felt her heart beating with his, he summoned the courage to continue. “It’s destroying my body. I don’t know if I can go back.”

Celeste shot to her feet and stared down at him. “What are you talking about?” 

Asra felt the heat rising up the back of his neck. “I didn’t think you would foll—”

“Of course, I was going to follow you!” Celeste shouted. “What did you expect me to do?” 

“I—”

“You took care of me, you taught me everything I know, you brought me back from death, for gods sake, Asra! You are all I have ever had. I know this is my fault, that I drove you to this, but please, we have to go home.” 

Asra stood and seized her by the shoulders. “This isn’t your fault.” 

“I should have come to you first to tell you about Julian and I. We both know his flair for the dramatic and I couldn’t deny him that. But it was never meant to hurt you.” 

Asra used his thumb to brush away the tears that trailed down her cheeks. How he hated to see her cry. Of course, he knew it hadn’t been malicious, but it was still a shock he was going to have to process. 

“I know,” he whispered against her hair, her arms coming to wind around his chest. 

Celeste buried her nose into the loose opening of his shirt. “I’ve missed you so much. I thought when you moved to the palace, it was going to be like one of your journey’s again and you would return. Every time the bell on the door jingled, I convinced myself it would be you. And when it wasn’t, I was so sad and disappointed. I still make tea for two, even though Julian doesn’t drink it because I don’t know any other way. I was always so afraid to tell you how much you meant to me because you were always leaving and I worried that if I told you, you would never come back.”

A deep rumbling echoed in his chest and Celeste peered up at him. “Are you laughing at me?” 

“Of course not!” Asra replied quickly. “What a pair we make. Both so afraid of rejection that we never even gave each other a second chance. Instead, I scared you into the arms of someone else and left myself alone.” 

“It doesn’t have to be this way, Asra. We can still be happy.” 

Asra sighed again. “I will not come between you and Ilya.” 

“Asra—” 

“I mean it, Celeste. I have caused you both enough misery.” 

He knew that look, the one she would give him when she was determined to change his mind. 

“We will talk about it when we get home. We have a lot of things to talk about and with Julian too. But let’s focus on getting you back into your body,” Celeste responded, stepping out of his embrace. 

Asra hand a hand through his hair, pushing the white curls away from his face, even as he frowned. “Whose watching over us?” 

“Your parents.” 

“If we have any hope of stopping the mistakes I made, we have to undo the effects of them.” 

Celeste nodded. “We thought of that. Julian is convinced he had an ingredient list hidden in his desk in the library. Nadia and Portia went to help him find it, with the hope that he and Mazelinka might be able to concoct an antidote. I had to follow you to make sure you were okay here.” 

Asra snorted. “While I do not doubt Mazelinka’s rather potent brews, even if they had a list, I don’t think Ilya would know what to do with it. Besides, I made sure that all the copies were burned. That was not something I wanted to fall into the wrong hands.”

“So, if there is no list, what do we do?” The worry that laced her voice seemed like it was going to cut through him. 

“I have an antidote,” he responded slowly. 

“Why didn’t you start with that?” Celeste punched him in the arm with an exasperated groan. 

Asra gave her a sheepish smile and rubbed the back of his neck. “Because I don’t know if it will work. What was the first thing I taught you about potions?” 

Celeste frowned. “Don’t make anything without a way to reverse it. But Julian said there was never one made because it wasn’t needed. Because people would die of the Plague first.” 

“He’s not wrong, because I made it without his knowledge. The only problem is that it is over three years old, so it might have lost some of its potency and—” 

“Stop stalling! I understand what you are trying to tell me, Asra, but clearly the longer you are like this, the harder it will be. I get it.” 

He didn’t want to get her hopes up if it didn’t work or if for some reason, she couldn’t find it. Nor did he want to have to tell her that she was going to have to go back without him. He knew she wasn’t going to like leaving him behind, especially since he was going to make her take Faust too. Faust would be the only one to reach it. 

He cupped her face between his hands, leaning down until their foreheads touched. “Listen to me. You have to go back with Faust to find it. No one else will be able to. It’s tucked away on a top shelf in the shop, probably covered in years of dust and feel for my magic, I have it hidden there. Make sure that I drink all of it. At full potency, it should take five minutes or less. These things are not known to have the greatest shelf life, so it will take longer.” 

“How much longer?” She peered up at him through her long lashes. 

“I can’t say. An hour, maybe two. Or it will have lost all its potency, but I’m fairly certain it will be enough.” 

Find! Faust popped up from inside Asra’s scarf and wrapped herself around them both. 

“You saved me once, Asra, and I will do the same for you.” 

He gave her a wistful smile, placing one last lingering kiss to her lips. All he could hope for was that she was right. 

Watching her leave without him was harder than Asra had thought it would be. Not knowing if he would actually ever see her or Faust ever gone. His knees shook and he sank back down into the sand. The tightness in his chest only seemed to intensify and he wondered how much more he could take. 

The only thing left to do was wait. Wait for an answer. Wait for absolution. 

***** 

The ticking from the small clock on the wall was slowly going to drive her crazy. Another second, another small tick, another painful beat of her heart. Strong arms wrapped around her, burrowed into that warm embrace, her tears dampening the front of his jacket. His hand trailed circles of her back, and pushed the long strands of hair from her face. His steady breathing, the only thing keeping her calm. 

“You did everything you could, love,” he whispered in her ear with his deep rolling baritone. 

And she had. 

Celeste had followed Asra’s instructions to the letter, even if everyone else thought she was crazy for bolting up suddenly and waiting to run out of the palace. It only took a couple of words of explanation before Nadia was ordering a carriage. Celeste hadn’t protested when Julian insisted on going with her and Faust, even if he had to be confined with a snake. His attempts at finding that damned list of ingredients had been fruitless anyway and he could stay still and do nothing. 

The vial was exactly where Asra had described it to be. Faust had to slither through three years’ worth of dust and behind piles of long forgotten books, but she had found it. The tube was no bigger than Celeste’s thumb and only hoped it would work. Julian had managed to get the whole thing down by gently massaging Asra’s throat to get him to swallow. 

The only left to do was wait, hope and pray that it would work. 

Aisha and Selim kept their vigil beside Asra, each seated beside him and holding one of his hands. Faust had retaken her post, curled up on the pillow behind Asra’s head. Julian had taken the oversized chair by the window and brought it closer, Celeste curling up against him. Mazelinka stood watch at the door to make sure there was no disturbances. While Nadia and Portia had disappeared, muttering something about getting things ready. Not that Celeste had heard much of it. 

The ticking now seemed like it was pounding on the inside of her head. It had been an hour. Though, Asra had warned it might take longer, she wasn’t patient enough to want to wait. For once, Julian had a calming presence. Though, Celeste was sitting on him and was probably what was keeping him from wearing a hole in the carpet. They were keeping each other from pacing incessantly. 

A sharp intake of breath was enough to break the stillness of the room. Celeste snapped her head to stare at the bed, where white lashes were slowly fluttering open. Violet eyes slowly coming into focus and a small smile on his lips. 

Faust instantly popped up, her tongue flicking excitedly. Home!

“Asra!” Aisha sobbed, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him into her arms. Selim quickly following suit. 

Celeste felt her heart jump into her heart. It had worked. 

When Asra separated from his parents, he leaned back against the pillows and held out his hand to her. Celeste pulled out of Julian’s embrace and ran to Asra’s side, taking his offered hand. 

“You did it,” he whispered, pressing his lips to the inside of her wrist. 

“I can’t take all the credit,” Celeste responded. 

“Yes, you can.” 

Asra tugged on her arm, yanking her down until their faces were even. His fingers curling around the back of her head and closed the distance between them. It was a hard, passionate kiss and Celeste could feel every emotion in his heart wash over her. It was thrilling and all consuming. 

She gasped from the shock, all the eyes in the room on them. She pulled herself back, staring down at him for a long moment. That familiar twinkle once again in his eyes. When what he had done finally started sinking in, Celeste whipped around. 

Julian was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Be Continued... 
> 
> Thank you all for the lovely comments! I really appreciate every single one!

**Author's Note:**

> To Be Continued... 
> 
> All feedback is appreciated :)


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